Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
