Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
