He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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