So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
