I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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