i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
