On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
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