You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
