His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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