its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
