You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife š¬
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a āfireplaceā station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
