your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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