At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
