someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
