he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
third nipple confirmed
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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