But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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