We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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