Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
