Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
