You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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