How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
