Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.

(301): View more from Maryland

but she's really nice

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(559): View more from California

You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.

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(409): View more from Texas

I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop

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(540): View more from Virginia

i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Now he's lighting his socks on fire

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(423): View more from Tennessee

pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.

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(646): View more from New York

you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor

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(602): View more from Arizona

Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?

(602): View more from Arizona

Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.

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