yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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