lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
