when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
