new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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