In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
