How'd it feel making her break her religion?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
