do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
