if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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