he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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