Can Purell be used as lube?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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