When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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