Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
This house was built for laser tag.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
