I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
