Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
