I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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