Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
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