I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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