The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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