Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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