dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
