he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
