How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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