Where is the hickey?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
