so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
