she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
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You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
whose ass print is on the piano?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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