Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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