Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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