even my farts smell like vagina
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
