I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
