dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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