I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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