I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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