Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I currently don't understand fingers.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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