I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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