Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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