i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
