new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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