Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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