Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
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I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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