NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
