her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
