would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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