I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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