I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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