At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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