yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
