He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
