Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Houston, we have a blender
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
