Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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