i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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