u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
