playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
he was CRYING into my vagina
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
