My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
a search helicopter?!
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I have post one night stand depression
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