I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
