I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
