Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
