Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
God I need to hump something, right now.
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