I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
