I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
