More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
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Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
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I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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